Well, I'm back in Cleveland. Wish I could say it's good to be home, or that I'm happy I'm back, but it would be a lie. I'm gutted.
It first hit me in the hotel room this morning as I was starting to pack my stuff. This was it, my last day in California. I got so sad it was all I could do to not cry. It hit me really bad again on the elevator ride down to the lobby, damn near broke into tears again. I perked up quite a bit when I ran into Melissa down in the lobby. More jokes about her being my sugar daddy, the requisite "I'm really happy I got a chance to meet you" conversation, good times while we waited for the third person to meet us so we could head into work.
We got done with work quite early, early enough that Melissa decided to reschedule her later flight back home to Denver to the same earlier flight I was taking, so we could fly out together. Of course, right at the last minute some extra stuff came up and she ended up having to take the later flight anyway. Sucks. I was looking forward to getting some more time to talk to her and get to know her. There'd have been no talking during the flight as she's apparantly quite afraid of flying so engages in this bloody mary/cigarette/sleep through the flight ritual to deal with it. But there'd have been plenty of time waiting at at the airport in San Jose.
Still, we got a chance to go for a walk earlier in the morning and talk for a bit. Bonded a little bit on meditation and spirituality, she's been going through a lot of the same kinds of things I have lately and looked to some of the same things (like mediation) to help deal with it. She's good people. Gotta say, she just might have taken over the "coolest chick I've ever met" title. Someone, under different circumstances, I could see being one of those lifetime friends, the type you'd do anything for and could count on to always be there. But… not to be. Had another of those near-tears moments saying good-bye. As we hugged, I realized I'm not likely to ever see her again. We work for the same company on some of the same projects, so we'll certainly talk and e-mail a lot for a while. But face-to-face? That was it. The end. Fade to black…
San Jose itself was awesome. I really felt at home there, and comfortable. It felt like the right place for me to be, in a way Cleveland never has and could now never compare to. The client was a great guy, very friendly and generous. Dude invited us to his house for a home-cooked meal. How many clients do stuff like that? Paid for all our other meals while we were there to. Melissa rocked. The whole experience was great, and I'm so utterly devastated to be back home now and know that the whole thing is over.
Damn, I needed to get away.
Now, I need to come down off the high and see where my head is at when things have more perspective. Was it San Jose that was so awesome? Was it just getting away from it all for a little bit? Was it having the whole thing on someone else's dime? Was it meeting Melissa? Was it the whole package? Where did the joy come from?
And why can't I be happy to have had the experience, instead of sitting her feeling like I'm about to cry again?
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