I’ve been thinking a lot lately about solitude, being alone. About the difference between being alone and being lonely.
There are a great many things that are done best alone, from my perspective. Musically, I’m my most creative when I work alone. I write better in isolation, free from distraction. Time alone allows me to read, to meditate, to draw. It gives me time to think, and really dig into my mind. In many cases, I function best alone. There’s such a wonderful treasure of things I can do and discover on my own, free from the distraction or influence of others.
I spend a great deal of my time alone. Mind you, being alone does not necessarily mean that no-one else is around. It’s certainly possible to be alone despite having people around you. I regularly have days where I barely speak to anyone at work, spending most of my day working away in my cube, alone. This is one of those cases where it’s beneficial, I get much more done that way. I eat lunch by myself, taking it as time to do a little reading, some deep thinking, or just eating mindfully. Again, better done alone. I’m alone in the car ride to and from work, giving me more time to think, or just listen to some music or a podcast. Every morning before work I am alone, eating breakfast, reading the funnies, doing a crossword. Nearly every evening after work I am alone, doing many of the things I outlined earlier.
So, being alone is not so bad. I do quite well with it. So long as I’m doing something with that time, I don’t feel lonely or as if it’s not time well spent (or invested.)
Being lonely is an entirely separate issue, one which I will admit I suffer from on occasion (as do we all, I suppose.) There are a great number of times there are things I want to do that would be so much better if they were shared. I felt that just the other day, which I lamented in an earlier posting. Curling up under a warm blanket in front of a crackling fire and watching it snow, while sipping on some wine. Yeah, that’s better with company. Sipping tea and reading each other poetry. Playing in the rain on a warm summer afternoon. Climbing back in bed on a Sunday morning and just cuddling silently. All stuff best done with another. It’s much more fun to stare into someone else’s eyes to see their soul than your own.
So, there are certainly times when I’m also lonely. Those moments when I want to do those things that are so much better when they’re not done alone, or simply can’t be done at all alone.
But I keep a good balance of the two. Generally, it’s much more of the alone variety than the lonely style. Which is probably for the best as I still have my concerns I’m always going to be alone. I’m moving towards trying to change that right now, but if I’m right and do spend the rest of my life alone, at least I know I can find happiness there.