I have issues with falling to sleep. It takes me a very long time, about an hour from the time I get into bed until I actually fall asleep, on average. Some nights, much longer. I’ve been known to lay in bed for hours and be unable to get to sleep, and many times do not sleep all the way through the night, and have to start the whole process over again.
This is actually one of the myriad of things that led me to look into Buddhism. While practicing mindfulness and concentration has, on occasion, helped the situation out, it still persists. It will probably be there for a long time to come yet. Thing is, I don’t mind it so much any more. Like so many of the other things I sought out Buddhism to try and change, the practice hasn’t changed them yet. But it has led to an acceptance of them, embracing them even.
So, now I use that sleepless time to my benefit. It is a quiet and peaceful time. I can take the time to explore my mind, practicing that introspective meditation I so enjoy. I can reflect on the joys of the day that has just passed, and think forward to the wonderful day that lay ahead of me. I can think about all the amazing people in my life, where I have been with them, where I will go with them. I can think about all the amazing people I have yet to meet, and all the wonderful places I will go with them. I can find peace in just that moment, laying in bed embraced by the warmth of the blankets and comforted by the softness of the pillows.
Now, I realize that occupying my mind such as this will almost certainly not help me get to sleep any faster. It’s probably quite the hindrance in fact. Thing is, my mind (for now, at least) will be busy and moving during that time, no matter what. I have a very active mind, so it takes it time to wind down and shut off at the end of the day. In the past, I spent that pre-sleep time fretting and stressing, ruminating on things that are outside my control, worrying about the mistakes I’ve made, fearing the uncertainties of the day to come. So, until I can one day get my mind better trained to empty itself on command and attain a more rapid slumber, I choose to fill it with good things instead of bad.
There are so wonderful places I can take my mind as I lay there and await sleep’s loving touch. So I will try to look at something I once saw as a problem as a blessing instead.